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The best of you by Nayzak The best of you by Nayzak
Peace be to you guys and girls,

I found this article yesterday and thought it's nice to share it with you. hope you learn something...


By Hesham A. Hassaballa, March 27, 2009

Growing up, I was surrounded by the typical patriarchal family structure. My father was not a brutal tyrant, far from it. Nevertheless, the notion of the "man's role" and the "woman's role" abound throughout my upbringing. When it came time for me to marry, I wanted to be different. I wanted a different kind of marital relationship.




For many years now, I and countless other Muslim writers, academics, and activists, have worked tirelessly to combat the negative image of Islam and Muslims in the media and popular culture. Frequently, it is a story of repeated frustration and disappointment. Whenever it seems we make headway in our struggle against the misunderstanding of Islam, we get a news story the like of the murder of Aasiya Zubair (may God have mercy on her soul).

When news such as that breaks, we have to start all over again and try to shout over the hatemongers and Islamophobes. Again, it is maddeningly frustrating and disappointing. Yet, images, headlines, and soundbytes are far more powerful than articles, lectures, and blog posts. So are movies and television shows. And when it comes to portraying Muslim men, the image of the misogynistic tyrant is dominant.

Even in films that can be passed off as "pro-Muslim," such as Rendition, the police captain in the film is the same archetype: the tyrannical father figure whose is a dictator at home with his wife and daughter. It is a very powerful shaper of perception, and so many times, perception is reality. And it does have an effect on popular perception.

My wife wears the hijab, and many non-Muslims have the perception that I am making her wear it. Both of us have to constantly remind people that she wears it on her own accord, that I had no idea what her hair looked like when I first proposed to her. Yet, again, this stems from the ubiquitous notion in the media and popular culture that Muslim men are domineering monsters, oppressing their women at every chance they get.

This is terribly frustrating for me, as an American Muslim man. I don't like to be labeled, or even looked at, as an "oppressive husband" simply because I am Muslim. The problem is, however, that I have to contend with the fact that there are Muslim men who oppress their wives. There are Muslim men who abuse their wives and think Islam gives them the right to do so. There are Muslim men who murder their wives, daughters, and sisters in order to "defend the family honor." As much as I hate it, the filth of their sins stain me as well, and it is not right, fair, or just.

Whenever I learn of such terrible crimes committed by Muslim men against their sisters in faith, I wrack my brain in complete despair. Don't they know the example of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)? Don't they know that he was nothing but kind, compassionate, and merciful to his wives? Don't they realize that he helped his wives with their housework, took their advice on very important matters, and really treated them as his partner rather than his subservient? Don't they know of the scores of hadith that begin with "Treat your wives kindly..."? Do they think they are better than the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) when they act like horrific tyrants?

As Muslim men and husbands, we must always look to and learn from the example of our beloved Prophet (pbuh). I am the first-generation son of immigrants to this country. Growing up, I was surrounded by the typical patriarchal family structure. My father was not a brutal tyrant, far from it. Nevertheless, the notion of the "man's role" and the "woman's role" abound throughout my upbringing. When it came time for me to marry, I wanted to be different. I wanted a different kind of marital relationship.

I didn't want my wife to "serve me." I didn't believe that my wife's place was "in the home." I wanted to build a lifelong partnership with her. As I grew older, I started to look more deeply into the example of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and learn how I can be the best husband possible. It is difficult to treat this territory, being surrounded by uncles who ascribe to the "old way." In fact, I remember long ago I was at a picnic, sitting with a number of "uncles." I was doing something to help my wife, and one of the "uncles" berated me, in a friendly manner, for "serving" her like I did.

Yet, we must teach our young men - the future husbands of the Muslim community - that to "be a man" does not mean that you must mistreat your wife; that treating your wife with honor, respect, and kindness is not an "act of weakness"; that your wife is your life partner, not your cook, maid, and other things. We must erase this paternalistic notion of what it means to be a husband, and actually take advantage of the fact that our wives present us with an opportunity to go to Paradise if we treat them with the honor, respect, and kindness they deserve.

Going back to that picnic, when the uncle gave me grief for helping my wife, I said back to him, "The best of you is the one who treats his wife the best," the famous hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). He did not have a response, and all he could do was laugh, but commending me at the same time. That is the standard by which we Muslim men must live. I am not a perfect husband, far from it. But I am trying, and I always try to remind myself of the Prophet's eternal words of wisdom: "The best of you is the one who treats his wife the best." Every day, I work to try to live up to this Prophetic challenge.

from altmuslimah.com: [link]


FROM THE SAME COLLECTION:
#01: Planting Trees: [link]
#02: Learning: [link]
#03: Good deeds: [link]
#04: the best of you:
#05: Animal care:[link]
#06:Getting Angry: [link]
#07:Cleanliness is from Faith: [link]
#08:Care for the orphans: [link]
#09:Visiting the sick: [link]

let's all fight ignorance with knowledge..
Peace be to you.
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:iconsparklinburgndy:
SparklinBurgndy Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this; they're just zoological happy! Khaleh khoob!
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:iconjinmimkazama:
JinMimKazama Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
But this is rare :) inshaAllah men will wake up and dont listen those fake muslims how to tread the women. better days Comes inshaAllah , Ameen~ :heart:
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:icon1000yearseternalmaze:
I read somewhere you are married.:)Maybe thats your typical day of you and your wife-full of love.
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:iconmiki94:
miki94 Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I see this as a very simple difference.
A woman and a man have different roles in marriage and I think they should fill them.

In Islam, a woman acquires her supporting role under the guidance the man. He is the head of the family, thus both power and responsibility are put into his hands. He is powerful, in extension is more free to do as he pleases (regardless of choosing to listen to his wife's advice,or not) and he is more burdened with responsibility, to make his wife happy.

The downside of Islam is the fact that not every man is as virtuous, or as intelligent as you and will only wish to reap the benefits of leadership, without accepting the responsibility of caring for his wife's happiness. It gives the man more space to be selfish and a Muslim woman will avoid divorce, both for being a Muslim and a woman. So she becomes more exposed to the possibility of staying with this archetypal "tyrant".

In most of western culture, those gender roles have been erased. The man has no leading role and the woman often has more power than he does. As a result, he can not take on the responsibility of making her happy, when he has no power to lead her. And it is obvious women want men to lead, as much as it is a taboo to say this. But since she has as much power herself, if not more, she can leave an evil and a selfish man, if her husband is one.

So the downside of the western culture is that the woman gets an illusion of complete self sufficiency and grows unhappy. If she is evil and selfish herself, she abuses her power and protection of the society, so we get American family laws for example.

Or to shorten it: Islam accommodates what women want and rest of West accommodates what women fear.
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:iconnayzak:
Nayzak Featured By Owner May 4, 2013
peace be to you,

In Islam, a woman acquires her supporting role under the guidance the man. He is the head of the family, thus both power and responsibility are put into his hands. He is powerful, in extension is more free to do as he pleases (regardless of choosing to listen to his wife's advice,or not) and he is more burdened with responsibility, to make his wife happy.
I believe the underlined statement is false. to my knowledge, a man, in Islam, is not free to do as he pleases. the responsibilities of the man are clear, and so are the rights of his wife. if the man neglects his responsibilities and his wife's rights, then "doing as he pleases" is regarded as a transgression.
you may object and say "but he still can do it (I mean the transgression)"
I would simply reply "and so can every man, regardless of his religion."
But Islam does provide certain laws that protect the rights of every person in marriage.

...and will only wish to reap the benefits of leadership, without accepting the responsibility of caring for his wife's happiness.
Well, we also believe there is judgment day. and a man enjoying the leadership and neglecting his duties is just like a ruler of a country who enjoys the leadership and neglects his duties. the God never gives honor to someone without giving him responsibility. if you enjoy the honor and neglect the responsibility, you will be punished. this is called justice.

It gives the man more space to be selfish and a Muslim woman will avoid divorce, both for being a Muslim and a woman.
I don't know what you mean by "Muslim woman will avoid divorce". in Islam, if marriage with a certain man is unbearable to the woman, she can simply go to the court and get her divorce right away. Although the woman is rewarded if she chose to sacrifice in order to protect the family, she isn't required to carry a burden greater than what she can bear.

So she becomes more exposed to the possibility of staying with this archetypal "tyrant".
I believe you got the Islamic marriage all wrong. you seem under the impression that in Islam, a woman has to 'bear' her oppressive husband. this is false. and I can tell you that what you wrote here is more possible in non-Muslim communities than in Muslim community. or in Muslim communities that do not apply the true Islam. but remember, we are talking about Islam and not about what Muslims do.
You see, in non-Muslim community where there is absolute gender equality, there is no obligation on the man to support the woman. so this poor wife who is oppressed by her husband has only 2 options:
a- divorce her husband and work for herself. this could be fine in certain cases. but if the woman doesn't have high qualifications or is handicapped, then she would probably be forced to choose -b-.
b- bears the oppression and remains under her oppressive husband. for fear of being abandoned and living poor life.
In non-Muslim society, worry about her life condition influences the decision. she may be forced to choose -b- if she can't work or support herself.

in Islam, it's quite different. the woman is not responsible to support herself. when the woman is single (in her parents' house) her parents have the duty to support her (even if she is 40, single and working). after marriage, the husband has the duty to support the woman (even if she's working).
if she's oppressed by her husband, she has the same 2 options mentioned above:
a- divorce.
b- bear the oppression and remain married.
the difference between the Muslim woman and the non-Muslim woman is that the Muslim woman doesn't need to worry about her life condition in case she chose -a-. According to Islam, she can return to her family and her male relatives have the duty to support her. and if she has no relatives, then supporting her is community's duty.
in Islam, the woman doesn't have to bear the oppression for fear of being thrown to the street. of course, if she bears her husband's bad treatment and tries to help him correct his behaviors, she would be greatly rewarded. but if she feels she can't or doesn't want, then she has right of divorce.

regarding western woman, you wrote:
But since she has as much power herself, if not more, she can leave an evil and a selfish man, if her husband is one.
I don't know why you think a Muslim woman can't do this.
My friend, did you know that in the time of the prophet Mohammed -peace be upon him-. a woman came to the prophet and asked for divorce. he asked her if her husband mistreats her or something. she replied that her husband is kind and nice to her and she has nothing to complain about except that she doesn't like his face. so she doesn't want to live with him. guess what? divorce was granted to her.
in Islam, a woman enjoys right of divorce if she doesn't want to live with her husband, no matter what is her reason. her choice is (and should be) respected.


I hope this helps you understand a little more.
I may need to make more about marriage in Islam. I got a few requests in this topic.

peace
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:iconmiki94:
miki94 Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I did not know what you wrote about Islam, I only knew in small part.

But my presumption was not about Islam being unjust, but Muslim men being unjust.
I did not claim Islam lets the man do as he pleases, but that Muslim men will do as they please, interpreting teachings to their liking, thus producing a still dysfunctional society.
Or more simply put, I was presuming what consequences of Islam are, not goals.
Of course I do not know for certain how all Muslim communities work, but the one I grew up in was full of "interpretations".
And I heard of several instances of husbands using Islam as a weapon to rule, instead of a tool to create and organize.
Like you say, a bad man will oppress in and outside of Islam. Even Islam is better for it protects the woman even more.
But a bad man who can interpret Islam as he pleases and attribute his selfish behavior to Allah's will, IMO has more power than just an oppressor who has no religion behind his selfishness. The society of many ignorant Muslims can back him up easily and the woman can be shamed into putting up with it.

Also to just compare, you probably know that the ideal goal of this dysfunctional western society is not to alienate people, but teach them to create a union while working on their individuality in order to create a community of nearly complete freedom. I personally don't find this "freedom" good, but it would be some sort of ideal of the west.
But just because West has nice intentions, it does not mean they won't get women bullying men every step of the way.
In the west you have feminism. This use to be a very good thing meant to give women basic human rights and freedoms. But thanks to interpretations of selfish stupid women it has turned into a tool for oppression of men and men are shamed by society into going along with it.


And by "Muslim woman will avoid divorce" I meant, in comparison to the Western woman. Western women tend to leave their men very easily. Their personal happiness and "fulfillment" is promoted before their children and family.


Again, I don't claim to know all this for certain. My observation of the two societies is relatively limited. These are just presumptions based on what I heard and saw in my short lifetime and my attempt to distinguish between realities I know of.
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:iconjdluvasqee:
JDLuvaSQEE Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
So moving!
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:iconpokefreak-kiko:
PokeFreak-Kiko Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist
Just wondering: What does "(pbuh)" mean? - Beautiful picture, Nayzak. ^^
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:iconnayzak:
Nayzak Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
pbuh is the short form of -peace be upon him-. It is a respectful expression said when mentioning the names of the prophets of the God.
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